Posts Tagged ‘divorce’

America Is Feminizing It’s Boys

August 22, 2018

America Is Feminizing It’s Boys

If you have noticed that America’s millennial young men are often somewhat, or sometimes strikingly feminized….you are noticing something very real.

If you have noticed that  Millennial females are increasingly masculinized, you are also noticing something very real.

Please see the following article.

But, in this blog, I wish to focus upon feminizing boys and the social, cultural and geopolitical consequences.

It is true that America is feminizing it’s boys. The following video makes very clear how our educational system is part of the confluence of evolving “emasculating” cultural influences that are focused upon American boys.

You do not want to miss this factual video presentation by Prager University.

To this powerful influence we must add the often overlooked effects of high rates of divorce in America. Divorce often leads to diminished influences by fathers and mothers being designated as the custodial parent. When mothers and fathers work closely together to raise sons, their sons normally gain a healthy blend of male and female features, generally weighted towards the male end of the spectrum. This is a good and much needed outcome for failed marriages.

When this balance is disrupted, the scale to often tips in the direction of excessive feminine influences on boys.

Divorced (or working married) mothers must often place their children in child-care facilities that are typically populated with female staff. This is a culture-wide factor that furthers the disproportionate influence of female role models upon boys. As illustrated in the video above, this trend then continues when boys enter America’s educational system.

Of course there is the largely progressive/liberal media, much of which is dedicated to eradicating sex roles and gender differences. The media has increasingly featured and popularized feminine males, some of whom appear to be male caricatures of extreme feminism. For these flamboyantly feminized boys and men, the crass inslut of “girly boy” would be taken as a high complement. Both moderately and greatly feminized male role models (for other boys to imitate) can now be observed in movies, T.V. sit-coms, and ads in many venues.

These trends would seem self-defeating for any culture that hopes to long survive in a hostile world of competing and often waring nations. The implications of this fearsome fact should be clear in light of the feminization of American males.

I invite you to do some internet research on the social, cultural and geopolitical perils of America feminizing its boys. 

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D.

Professor Emeritus of Psychology and Practicing Psychologist.


Behavioral Contagion: Avoidant Personality Disorder

April 3, 2010

Avoidant Personality Disorder

Individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder can become isolated from other people in a way that looks superficially similar to the schizoid personality type.

The big difference is that the schizoid really does not want, or feel, the need to have a relationship with anyone. They are content in their state of relative social isolation. The avoidant individual is actually lonely, unhappy, and desirous of close and loving relationships. But, after seeking and acheiving a relationship with someone, they thenbegin to withdraw from it. This process may repeat itself many times, and is likely to destroy marriages, romantic relationshops and friendships.

What appears to stand in their way of achieving lasting intimacy is their fear of criticism, fear of appearing inadequate, and fear of being rejected by those who with whom they wish to be close. These individuals withdraw from relationships because and they are uncomfortable with psychological intimacy and they fear shame, ridicule, and failure. They struggle to overcome feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, but they are inhibited and become isolated by these feelings.

If someone with these avoidant tendencies does find the courage to enter an intimate relationship with someone, they are apt to vacillate in and out of it until the relationship is destroyed. These anxieties about inadequacy are pervasive and they can inhibit other social, vocational, recreational and educational opportunities. Through it all, those with avoidant personality features feel lonely and unfulfilled.

A Representative Example

A handsome, bright, and articulate man in his thirties once sought counseling because of his distress in a relationship with his fiancee. His chief complaint was that she was the perfect woman for him, but “he could not help doing the things that damaged their relationship” and made it less likely that they would ever marry.

He would purposefully be late for their various dates and other events. He would not call for long periods of time and at other times would be quiet and cool in their relationship for reasons that he could not understand. At other times he would “pull himself together” and be especially attentive and caring to her, before he slipped into another cycle of avoidance of intimacy. The man was deeply distressed and perplexed by his inability to form a lasting intimate relationship a woman and he recounted many such failed attempts in the past with other girlfriends. Not only was he very unhappy, but so were the ones that he attempted to have relationships with.

Possible Causes

Therapists have found that individuals showing avoidant personality symptoms often were shamed and ridiculed by parents, who were highly critical and who did not showed much love and affection. It is thought that children so treated are in danger of “internalizing” (believing that such treatment reflects their true nature) and then continuing this treatment of themselves in their own thinking.

Many clinicians also think that this culture’s high rates of divorce can traumatize children into fearing such outcomes in their own lives if they attempt to have close and enduring relationships with others. In fact, this appeared to be the case with the man described above. The divorce of his parents was an exceedingly painful loss for him and (as typical of children) he had feared that he might have had something to do with it, hence his feelings of being flawed and inferior in some ways. 

This is another example of bad behavioral contagion. There are conditions under which divorce is advisable such as abuse, chronic addiction, or chronic infidelity. However,  I believe that divorce is very bad for the children involved and some of the effects are fairly subtle.

Often the tendency of young adults to remain single longer than in the past,  and to divorce at alarmingly high rates, is attributed to various socio-economic  factors,. The spread of relationship insecurities within our population, now called Avoidant Personality Disorder, contributes to this trend and it self-propagates through the mechanisms of behavioral contagion.

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D.     4/3/10

Divorce, or Break-Up, When There Are Children?

November 21, 2009

Divorce , or Break-Up, When There Are Children ?

As a therapist, I find counseling with couples, without children, who contemplate divorce to be mildly stressful. I always want to help people to solve the problems that they are coping with.

But, with married couples without children who fail to remain together, the pain and stress to them and their families normally does not damage any children. I take solace in that. If one or both are determined to divorce, and I have done my best to help them, I shrug my shoulders with resignation and sadly say, “O.K., its your life”.

When I am working with a married or formerly committed couple with children who fail to remain together, it is a gut-wrenching experience for me. I am pretty good at letting go of the therapeutic process when there is nothing left that I can do. But, I do everything in my power to persuade married or committed couples to consider the effects of their divorce upon their children.

Please allow me a brief fantasy.

If I were king, I would decree that no couple with children could separate before their children are graduated from high school. After all, the children did not ask to be brought into this world only to be separated from those who they have grown to love and depend upon for life, security. and normal growth and development.

In my fantasy, in this day and age of easy contraception, I would lecture to my kingdom:

“You brought your infant into the world and now it is your obligation to raise that child to the best of your ability. Your personal hopes and desires are secondary in importance to the needs of your child…and your child needs you to stay together to help him or her grow to the age of independence.

Sorry, that’s just the way it is. Besides, when you were married you took an oath before God to remain married, ‘Till Death Do Us Part’.

Why don’t you now just commit to, ‘Till Our Children Depart’, and worry about the rest later.
Now, let’s get to work to do the best job that you can possibly do raising your children and also find as much happiness during this process as is possible”.
O.K., the fantasy is over. Don’t get mad…it was only a fantasy!
The hard reality is that there are several good reasons to get a divorce, in spite of the hazards to the children involved. I am convinced by 30 + years of practice, that when children are involved, the marriage deal-breakers should only be: 1. Physical or Sexual Abuse; 2. Chronic Untreatable Emotional Abuse; 3. Chronic Untreatable Infidelity; and 4. Chronic Untreatable Alcohol or Drug Addiction or Abuse.
I believe these family problems normally put children at greater risk for harm than a divorce.
But for all other cases that include children, there is a moral responsibility to the children involved and to society to enter marriage/couples counseling and to try as hard as possible to improve the existing problems. Reasonable estimates of improved relations in couple’s relationships are between 60% and 70%.

If you are considering a divorce or terminating your relationship with your partner, and you have children, stop and think about what will happen to them.

I ask that you please have the courage to study the following links and then protect your children with all of your might.

This first link describes the harms that are likely to occur to your children.

This second link describes the harms that accrue to society when marriages or couples with children break-up.

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D.   11/21/09

Broken Hearth

October 12, 2009

Broken Hearth

In 2001, William J. Bennett wrote an important book entitled: The Broken Hearth: Reversing the Moral Collapse of the American Family.

In his book, Bennett carefully documented the American tragedy that has long been forgotten by many, and now accepted by most citizens as normal life in the United States.

The following are four quotes of Bennett’s words.

“The year 1974 was a landmark of sorts. In that year, divorce replaced death as the principle cause of family dissolution” (p.12).

“In 1994, for the first time in American History, more than Half of all firstborn children were conceived out of wedlock—the culmination of a long-term trend” (p. 13).

“Between 1960 and 1998, the percentage of single-parent families–overwhelmingly headed by mothers—more than tripled. It is estimated that more than one-third of American children are now living apart from their biological fathers, and about forty percent of such children have not seen their fathers in at least a year” (p. 13).

“We May be under the illusion that we can cheerfully deconstruct marriage and then one day decide to pull back from the brink. But as a friend of mine puts it, once you shoot out the lights, can you shoot them back again” As the long record of human experimentation attests, civilizations are more fragile and perishable than we think” (p.70).

End of quotations.

The causal variables that have lead to the “moral collapse of the American family” are many (loss of family farms, deindustrialization, increased population mobility, economic pressures, the waning influence of religion, increased  availability of jobs for females, increased consumerism, later marriages, fewer children, feminine activism, gay and lesbian activism,  and more). It is not likely that the seismic shifts in most of the tectonic plates that have supported America’s  traditional families can be reversed.

The frightening challenge before us is to refurbish the American family, or to find some other way to produce a sufficient number of children and to educate and acculturate them to lead America into the future.

It appears that no one sees this challenge as the true looming catastrophe that it is.

Or, could this be the reason behind our government’s insane toleration of the flood of illegal immigrants with notoriously high birthrates?

Another American catastrophe on top of all the others.

VTM, 9/8/09

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