Posts Tagged ‘divorce damages children’

Ashley Madison Reveals America!

August 28, 2015

Ashley Madison Reveals America!

One of my most difficult and  least enjoyable challenges as a behavior therapist is to try to help couples reconstruct the trust and love bonds in their marriages following an “affair”.

The “Ashley Madison” website advertises: Life is short. Have an affair.”

I can assure you that the pleasures of a few “rolls in the hay”, with someone new, will never equal the dread, depression, pain, fear, and anxiety that spreads to the spouse/mate, children and extended families of  the one that visited all of that on them by their lying and cheating infidelity.

When a couple (married or not) has young children, the non-cheating parent is often left in a near-hopeless situation: If they don’t remain with the cheater, how are they to finance and care for their innocent children all alone? The long court battles that often ensue normally deepen the trauma.

If the infidelity is not resolved between their parents, I can guarantee that the children involved will not remain innocent for long. Their emotional health is at high risk. See for yourself.

http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs482.pdf

Recovery from infidelity requires an enormous effort on everyone’s part to ever hope to forge a healthy family again. Off course, this can and does happen, but it is exceedingly difficult.

The facts are that the complex and corrupting influences of modernity and the waning influences of traditional religions have made it much more difficult for families to remain intact within all of Western Civilization. Whenever Secular Humanism has become the prevailing “religion” in a society, morals and ethics are on their way to hell, so to speak. This is what we are seeing up-close and personal in America.

Read below and see what you think about this matter!

http://patriotpost.us/articles/37166

Wake-Up America!

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D.

P.S., Thanks to Gordon Jones for sending me this article.

Divorce, or Break-Up, When There Are Children?

November 21, 2009

Divorce , or Break-Up, When There Are Children ?

As a therapist, I find counseling with couples, without children, who contemplate divorce to be mildly stressful. I always want to help people to solve the problems that they are coping with.

But, with married couples without children who fail to remain together, the pain and stress to them and their families normally does not damage any children. I take solace in that. If one or both are determined to divorce, and I have done my best to help them, I shrug my shoulders with resignation and sadly say, “O.K., its your life”.

When I am working with a married or formerly committed couple with children who fail to remain together, it is a gut-wrenching experience for me. I am pretty good at letting go of the therapeutic process when there is nothing left that I can do. But, I do everything in my power to persuade married or committed couples to consider the effects of their divorce upon their children.

Please allow me a brief fantasy.

If I were king, I would decree that no couple with children could separate before their children are graduated from high school. After all, the children did not ask to be brought into this world only to be separated from those who they have grown to love and depend upon for life, security. and normal growth and development.

In my fantasy, in this day and age of easy contraception, I would lecture to my kingdom:
 

“You brought your infant into the world and now it is your obligation to raise that child to the best of your ability. Your personal hopes and desires are secondary in importance to the needs of your child…and your child needs you to stay together to help him or her grow to the age of independence.

Sorry, that’s just the way it is. Besides, when you were married you took an oath before God to remain married, ‘Till Death Do Us Part’.

Why don’t you now just commit to, ‘Till Our Children Depart’, and worry about the rest later.
 
Now, let’s get to work to do the best job that you can possibly do raising your children and also find as much happiness during this process as is possible”.
 
O.K., the fantasy is over. Don’t get mad…it was only a fantasy!
The hard reality is that there are several good reasons to get a divorce, in spite of the hazards to the children involved. I am convinced by 30 + years of practice, that when children are involved, the marriage deal-breakers should only be: 1. Physical or Sexual Abuse; 2. Chronic Untreatable Emotional Abuse; 3. Chronic Untreatable Infidelity; and 4. Chronic Untreatable Alcohol or Drug Addiction or Abuse.
I believe these family problems normally put children at greater risk for harm than a divorce.
But for all other cases that include children, there is a moral responsibility to the children involved and to society to enter marriage/couples counseling and to try as hard as possible to improve the existing problems. Reasonable estimates of improved relations in couple’s relationships are between 60% and 70%.

If you are considering a divorce or terminating your relationship with your partner, and you have children, stop and think about what will happen to them.

I ask that you please have the courage to study the following links and then protect your children with all of your might.

This first link describes the harms that are likely to occur to your children.

http://www.divorcereform.org/psy.html

This second link describes the harms that accrue to society when marriages or couples with children break-up.

http://www.heritage.org/research/family/bg1373.cfm

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D.   11/21/09


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